Looking at the white pages in front of me, I see endless possibilities of words that need to be spoken. Words from the heart, Words from the depths of my Soul that need to be brought forth from last year to this.
The word that needs to carry forward for me is fear. Fear of the little girl inside. Fear of not being enough. Fear of not living the life I would love to live.
In this past year of internal understanding I found myself going back time and time again to the little girl that once was. The little girl that quivered in a corner waiting to be enough.
I find words are powerful. Words are fleeting. Words are spoken then forgotten but for some they are carried onward for years only to become too large to uphold until they are so big and strong that they cause debilitating stagnation.
Growing up I never felt a lack of love. Love was bountiful. Love was endless.
The missing link however is not being enough. At what point are we told that we are enough to which we believe that we are.? Is it something we are born with? Is it something we are raised into? Is is something we are aware deep down inside and don't need an outside perspective to believe?
Years pass and life goes on. The little girl fear gets pushed to the bottom of the barrel and at a point when not suspected it erupts and causes a shift in perspective.
The not smart enough, not pretty enough, not this or that enough.
Add in what will this or that person think. All of this causing such a downward spiral.
Which brings me to this....
I am enough. So are you. It doesn't matter what the other person thinks because that is only their perception.
Growing up I was always very artistic and had a love of helping. The choices for a career were spelt out to me loud and clear. Pick this or that end of story. Didn't matter if there was happiness involved. But a decent paycheck and doing what society deemed worthy.
So it began, a slew of jobs that had societies stamp of approval yet none of the drive that pulls at the heartstrings. Raising my children, I always preached to follow their heart and everything else will follow. Their passion, drive, solid footsteps, planning and alignment with their higher selves will always guide them on their path. One door opening the way for the next and the next. Trust and believe.
Which leads to introspection. Why is it that I'm not following my passion?
The truth of the matter is fear. Fear of standing up to who I am in this lifetime. Fear of what a generation that is barely around will think.
The little girl did not grow up to be an accountant, a bookkeeper, a computer technician (all very respective professions that would have been chosen for her, had she let them). The little girl had dreams of helping people see their individual worth. The little girl had the ability to connect with people's loved ones and bring hope from the other side. The little girl felt the pain amongst people, animals and her planet that she wanted to help more than anything else in this world.
This past year was a growing one. A year of letting the fear go one flicker at a time. An unraveling of the past into a beautiful present and hope for the future. An ascending from a little girl full of fear and yearning for acceptance into a woman full of love, light and compassion for the world around her.
Finally accepting the gifts that were hers all along.