These words have been swirling around in my head and heart for so many years, they just have not found their outwardly voice up until now. And now only in the hope that they might be of value to others as they go through their healing process.
What I have learned is that every beginning starts with an end.
My end came with the passing of my husband to colon cancer. A debilitating illness that we were given no hope only a certainty of numbered days.
I remember vividly wondering how I was going to live even a single minute without my love by my side. Without his amazing humor and zest for life. The meandering walks, heartfelt talks, the dreams for not only us but for our children's future. The pictures without his face as I grew into my older self. The places and monumental events that he would not be part of just brought me to my knees.
So as a new beginning came, so did a multitude of questions come pouring through my mind....nothing like why? why me? why him? For some reason those didn't even enter my thought process. My questions were more personal....what do you mean we will never touch our feet and cuddle as we fall asleep?! What do you mean I will never hear his laugh again?! What do you mean I will never see him, hold him and hear his voice again?!
Those questions and more kept on dancing in my mind as we would dance on my kitchen floor. Round and round and round but instead of getting lighter and freer I was feeling heavier and sadder and the sadder I got the more questions I would ask ..... What do you mean I'm never going to see him again??? I needed to know without a shadow of a doubt that YES I would see him again. Hear him. Laugh with him. Everything that made us ... us.
With all those questions the great quest came. The search for the truth. My truth. I've been raised with the beauty of Heaven. Peaceful, Glorious. Loving. All true....but I needed more. I needed to look with my own eyes, my own heart and see him, hear him, talk to him.
As each question brought on more so did the Universe bring in answers to quench my thirst. The answers were brought in the shape of classes, mentors, people, new friends, light where there was only darkness. Hope where there was only despair.
My hope is that these words reach those in need. A spark of hope. A flicker of light amongst the darkness.
Please join me in my upcoming series of Angel Tree Healing Arts posts which will uncover ways of nurturing, and healing aspects of body, mind and Spirit.